Thank you all for coming today. It is overwhelming to see so many supportive faces.
Please don’t be too sad.
Selma’s death is a tragedy, but terrible things happen in this world.
In India, one in ten pregnancies ends in still-birth or neo-natal death. It is a mark of our excellent health system that an event like this is so rare and, hence, so shocking.
Or, closer to home, I imagine some of you have known the sadness of a miscarriage, with which our experience shares many similarities.
It is a shard of fortune in our misfortune that our tragedy is so vivid and unusual and sharable. It is the greatest consolation to have received so much support over the last few days.
In particular Ghizlane wanted me to thank:
* my brother Will and sisters Carrie and Liz,
* her sisters Imane and Amal and brother Mehdi,
* her parents,
* my parents,
* her aunt and uncle: Hadija and Khalid,
* our friend Sophie,
* and many other family and friends too numerous to mention
You have all been wonderful to us.
***
In Islam, we say that when a baby dies it goes immediately to paradise. From there it watches over its Mum and Dad, and calls for them when judgement comes.
Ghizlane’s lovely aunt Rachida said she is envious of Ghizlane. She says:
If we are hurting, it is not from a normal birth. We created an angel. A baby has been allowed to die with no sin at all.
***
On a more earth-bound note, I’ve always loved my wife deeply. The 9 months of pregnancy has brought us even closer. We’ve had a lot of fun planning and preparing for the new arrival. We’ve met some great new friends. Selma’s death does not take any of that away from us.
In the last 4 days of Selma’s life, we had an epic labour, with over 96 hours of contractions and wakefulness. Ghizlane bore it with a resilience and humour that awed me.
We were talking yesterday with the consultant. He reminded us that 30 minutes after Selma’s death, he asked us whether we would give permission for him to take a blood sample from Selma. We hesitated, overwhelmed. The consultant suggested he could ask our pregnant friend Sophie who had been first to arrive at the hospital.
Ghizlane’s immediate reaction was: that is a too horrible a decision for a pregnant woman, I won’t let her make it. Ghizlane decided there and then: ‘take the sample’.
The consultant said he found Ghizlane’s concern for others, immediately after having watched her own daughter die, to be one of the finest testaments to the resilience of the human spirit he had ever witnessed.
It’s clear I married a good one.
***
Ghizlane and I also have had the shared joy of holding our baby and seeing the beautiful little person we had created.
***
In short, we’ve really not had it that bad. Please don’t be too sad for us.
***
We are determined that something good should come out of Selma’s untimely, mysterious death.
Queen Charlotte’s gave us unbelievably brilliant care through birth. We want to extend that gift to people who wouldn’t otherwise be so lucky.
Ghizlane and I have often talked of doing something to help the poor in Morocco. It defies human decency to see how much cheaper life becomes just beyond Europe’s borders. Infant mortality rates are 10 times worse than the UK’s.
The flip side of this cheapness is that surprisingly small amounts of money can make a real change.
Selma’s death is going to be the inspiration that stops us dreaming and starts us making that change.
One of the silver linings of the last week is to remind us of the great network of friends and family we have behind us.
My aunt, Alanagh Raikes, has spent years assessing the effectiveness of aid projects in the developing world. Ghizlane’s uncle, Professor Nourdin El-Bounia, has much experience exporting scientific advances from Europe into Morocco. My sister, Doctor Caroline Rogers, has the medical understanding to help us find ways to improve care.
Beyond that, amongst our friends we can call on tenacious lawyers, scrupulous accountants, talented web designers and loving fund-raisers.
In Morocco we’ve got a network of great people who we can trust to help us, without the fear of corruption that often taints international aid.
We are not sure how it will work. We are desperate to avoid the pitfalls and perverse incentives that often bedevil charity work.
But with these people behind us – and our drive to make a difference – Ghizlane and I believe we can make something remarkable happen.
With that in mind, we are launching Project Selma.
Very soon we will be circulating further details about the plan.
Don’t worry, you will be hearing more from us.
Andy Bell
21st April 2009
andybell@gmail.com
